Greetings to all,
I’m sure I’ve mentioned the “black-outs” that I’m prone to, when I’m not just outright falling asleep from the narcolepsy. Neither my neurologist (recently fired, for keeping information on my MRIs and such from me and my lawyers), nor my primary physician has chosen to address. As a former MK Ultra (which ONLY my neurologist is aware of) it is one of the most terrifying things that could happen to me. I have NO IDEA of what I’m doing, or have done when I’m in that state. I’m only aware that something happened that I have no knowledge of, when I find things missing in my apartment, or from my person, or groceries that I would not ever buy in my fridge. I’m constantly wondering if there’s evidence of some “chipping” on those MRIs and if they have something to do with my bizarre and irratic behavior. My passport was my ONLY valid photo ID. My drivers license is expired, as I haven’t driven in a couple years because of the danger I pose, behind the wheel with those seizure. Now, it’s my mailbox keys and house keys. And that’s a terrible impediment, especially right now.
I live totally alone here, and have no friends at all that stop over or such. So there’s nobody but me to misplace things. I’ll give you a couple examples of how these occur to me:
In one instance, I was going to the hospital to get some regular bloodwork done, in relation to my diabetes. I needed a valid picture ID, so I got my passport, and put it in my back pants pocket, apart from my wallet. And buttoned it. Things do not just get loose or fall from these. Even my wallet, without a button down pocket, and comb have never crept from my pocket before. I remember leaving the house and checking that I had everything and locked the door. I remember walking about four of the twelve blocks to the hospital… then nothing… then I remember walking into the hospital. I walked up to the registration desk and reached for my passport, and it was gone. I have NO idea of what could have happened for me to pull that thing out and lose it. I retraced my steps (it’s a straight walk up Washington St. here) and couldn’t find it laying on the sidewalk or in the snow (it was a clear day).
Next, came a time when I went to pick up some groceries. With the amount of food stamps that I get, if I send more than $2 a meal in the course of the month, I have to skip a meal. That’s all there is. No cash or anything to back that up, except one trip a month to a food pantry for as much as I can carry on the half mile trip home. I remember leaving the apartment…. then nothing. It is not uncommon to go directly to bed and sleep for several hours after I’ve exerted myself on one of these trips. I woke up that evening, and in the fridge is a quart of chocolate milk, and a loaf of white bread. I don’t even like chocolate milk, and then there’s the aspartame sweeteners and my diabetes to consider. I also ONLY buy whole wheat bread, as the white bread has NO food value to me and ONLY spikes my already bad sugar. I have no idea what state of mind or personality I was in when I got these. It was STUPID, to say the least.
I’ve mentioned these episodes to my doctors, and especially my fear of all the dangerous meds and injections I take daily (at least 5 injections) and if I’m in this STUPID state: What might I do that will endanger my already severe condition?
THEN there’s the MK Ultra conditioning to worry about. I understand about my “alter” personalities. However, I *know* most of them and they are integrated into the rest of me. I can come upon a bad accident, and that CLINICAL part of myself will take over and calmly access ALL of my medical knowledge and render competent aid. But I’m ALWAYS aware of when these happen and no interuptions of memory occur. When things get violent: There’s yet another “alter” that takes over, and I’m able to decide whether I want to kill, or merely cripple or disable an oppenent. And I don’t forget these either. But add these, with the MRI, and High Contrast MRIs taken last April, that NOBODY is letting me see as of yet, and I have to wonder what’s there that’s a “state secret”, and how it MAY be effecting me in these “black-outs”. There’s ALSO the rational fear that if, while I’m in this black-out mode: If somebody decides to just mess with the sick old man, and I determine that I’m being threatened: I am a hardened, master martial artist and trained killer. I don’t even have to think about how to react to someone laying hands on me, and if I’m as STUPID as I seem to be during such an episode: DAMN! I *could* be a serious threat to my community, and I REALLY don’t want that. I’d like to leave this world as peacefully as I possibly can!
Recently, there is a favorite shirt missing, and a small pry bar from my toolbox in my storage room. I can’t account for how they disappeared or what I was doing when I lost them.
Yesterday, Wednesday, August 20th, 2014, I left to mail a package to James Rink, and go to the library to do my usual catching up with emails and Facebook on the internet there. I made sure I locked my door and had the package, cellphone and etc. I put the keys in my pocket alnong with my cellphone. It’s a deep pocket. I spent a bit longer than I normally do at the library. I only had about 240 emails, many of them just notices that required no answers. Some missing time, or maybe it just got past me as I was on Facebook? I had to go home to eat, and nap as I was getting tired and I never want to get caught asleep out in a public place. When I got to my apartment, I reached for my keys to check my snail mail, and they were not in my pocket. Everything else was fine! But no keys! I had the maintenance man let me inside, and he told me it would cost me $20 to replace them. I can’t even trust myself to take proper care of me, which is why I wanted to get myself into an “assisted living” environment to begin with, when I applied for Disability.
I used a little “craft” to ward my apartment, to come to the library today. It’s a high crime area. I threw a violent drunk who was banging against my door, down the stairs last week. So people around here are acting a bit spooky, and some checked up on me on the internet, so at least one or two have an idea of what kind of old geezer I am. They take note when I come in or leave. So, I’m afraid of what might happen to what little I own (and my exposed meds and syringes in my fridge). Heroin and Crystal Meth are “kings” here. So, I’ll keep my visits here very short, until I can get some new keys. I can’t check my snail mail without them, and I can’t lock my door when I leave to get groceries or to the library.
My glucose levels, with the extra meds I bought with the gift card, are changeable. At least I get some “high normal” readings along with the severely bad ones. All of my Lantus and Novolog injections are at maximum. Just for a note, so you understand what “normal” is on such a meter: Fasting, or first thing in the morning should be between 80 -120. An hour or two after a heavy meal, should not exceed 180. At levels over 200, especially prolonged periods of such, does damage to the liver, kidneys and other organs. Higher levels bring on “ketoacidosis” and then your own blood is your poisonous, worst enemy and starts breaking down your organs, muscles and body tissues and passing these through your liver…which is also breaking down and failing. My last bout of ketoacidosis was only hours from total organ failure when I was admitted to ICU. Starting from this morning’s testing, working backwards: 175 FASTING! 449, 327, 184, 186, 306, 131 FASTING, 263, 420, 186, 281, 508.
I typed this at home, on WORD to enter quickly at the library in my emails and PMs. But you have an idea of some of the stress and anxiety that I am experiencing, thanks to my government’s intervention in ALL of my affairs as a “targeted individual”. If I *ever* get those MRI’s for myself, I will be SURE to upload them somehow, so that we ALL can see what happened to me as an MK Ultra. The First Generation MK Ultras are a dying breed, and our stories NEED to be shared and known, as history will cover up our entire existence, and people will continue to believe they are safe with their government ruling them, as opposed to genuinely REPRESENTING them. TRULY: YOUR child or loved one, could be their next experiment. And there’s not a damned thing that you can do to stop it, or get them back undamaged. MOST of the children inducted in MY day, were tortured, sexually abused, killed or what we call “a fate worse than death”: Damaged beyond the ability to live the rest of their lives, howling like animals in an insane asylum under the most horrific conditions. I don’t say these things to “get famous”. I say them to WARN you all of exactly WHAT you are dealing with! If there truly was an honest and upright man or woman in Washington, or your own State capital where hospitals and clinics still do these things under CIA, Federal fundings: They’s STOP this kind of thing in a New York minute! Could YOU live with the knowledge that these were going on in your area, without writing a bill or something, or bringing charges? The Supreme Court is as corrupt as the rest NOT to raise a finger about the rights violated and even documented as violated.
John Stormm, August 21st, 2014